Why Would God Want To Talk To You?

Years ago, when I was 19, I was in a very unhappy, unhealthy relationship with an equally unhappy person.

I won’t go into much detail, but amongst other moral compromises I made, I had stopped going to church regularly, and overall my relationship with God deteriorated. I stopped praying, seeking His guidance, really I just pushed Him as far away as possible, without outright denying His existence or blaspheming against Him.

My father used to teach Confirmation at our old parish, and at the beginning of Lent they would pass out little nails with the point ground down. Just a little keepsake to carry around with you, to keep your mind focused that the whole point of the Easter season is the Passion, Death, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. My father knew that I wasn’t going to church, and he brought me one of the nails, a small gesture to let me know that he was thinking of me, concerned for my well being and spiritual direction.

Now this is that part where is gets unusual. I swear, the moment he dropped the nail into my hand, I could feel it scorch the flesh of my palm, as if the nail were white hot and threatened to burn right through down to the bone. I dropped the nail to the floor, and when I picked it back up I found it to be a regular temperature. No heat, save for the warmth of being in my father’s pocket on the way home.

The event shook me, and I started to reflect on the decisions I was making and the way in which I had been living the months prior. That night, I was with my girlfriend and I recounted what had happened. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I reflected on the activities we were engaged in, out lack of a solid faith, and the general unstable, unhappy state of our relationship.

And it was incredibly unstable. Jealous, vindictive, seeds of distrust sewn through every aspect of our courtship.

I suggested that we start going to church. I thought that what had happened was indeed a sign from God, a reminder that Christ used to be the center of my life, and that I had selfishly rejected Him. I said that I thought God was trying to talk to me.

I remember exactly what she said. She looked me in the eyes, her own full of disgust, and said, “Why would God want to talk to you?”

And like that, the feeling I carried around, the beginning glimmer of hope that what was wrong could be changed, was stripped away. Humiliated, emasculated, I dropped the subject and did not bring it up again.

I don’t blame my ex. Though she was hateful and full of spite, I did nothing. Though I recognized the evils in what she said, I was not strong enough in my faith, or confident enough in myself, at the time to separate from her.

Her words had such an effect on me because she said what I feared deep down. After all I had done, after all the sins and times I had fallen from the path He wanted me to walk, why would God want to talk to me? Why would a perfect being want to converse, to degrade Himself by spending precious time on an imperfect boy?

Because no matter how much we sin, no matter how many times we turn away, to paraphrase Saint Therese of Lisieux, all that we could do is but a drop of water compared to the raging fire of His mercy. All you have to do is ask.

We are each created in His Likeness and Image. In speaking to Jeremiah, The Lord says, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.” (Jer 1:5). There is an intimacy, a love between Creator and creation that can never, not ever be destroyed.

I had a Humanities professor in college who would take the time out of every lecture to tell us that we are not unique. That none of us were special, that none of us were profound or different. Now, he was trying to spread a militantly anti-theistic, Communist doctrine, but it doesn’t hold up. If you really take a step back, each one of us is unique. Each one of us may not do “great” things, we may not all be revolutionaries, or inventors, theologians or scientists, but there is only one you. There is only one you, born to your parents, who looks like you, had your temperament, who will have the unique experiences you do. You may share similarities with others, but your life, the one you will live, will not be exactly like anyone else’s.

God wants to talk to you because He formed you. Because in being made by His hands you are unique, you are special, you are worth his time to forgive not seven times, but seventy times seven.

Because you are a miracle.

Although he is not a Christian, in his graphic novel Watchmen, Alan Moore perfectly sums up this idea when he writes:

“Thermo-dynamic miracles…Events with odds against so astronomical they’re effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold…in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter…and of that union, of the thousand million children competing…it was you, only you, that emerged.”

God wants to talk to you. There is no question about that.

The question is, are you listening? And if you hear Him, will you respond?