When I was younger, and much more of a brat, I never knew why my parents were so strict about my grades, and so upset and disappointed when I didn’t achieve. When I would get a C, or worse, I would be lectured, or punished if called for.
I didn’t understand. I didn’t get many D’s or F’s, or even C’s. I did fairly well in grade and high school, though I excelled in college, but that’s because I was finally studying a topic I absolutely loved, so it wasn’t difficult to get me to read, write or study.
I distinctly remember my 8th grade year. It was the second half of the year, and I was not motivated to do any school work since high school was just around the corner. I slacked off and ended up receiving three or four C’s on my report card. As I sat on the bus home, talking with my friends, I remember saying how I didn’t understand why my parents would be so upset when they saw my grades.
I mean, a C is average, lots of kids get C’s.
I’ve never really thought about that conversation since I had it those years ago. As I said, I did fairly well through high school, so I didn’t have many C’s to worry about. But over the weekend, my wife and I were driving up to Lake Tahoe, and I had some time to think and reflect.
And it suddenly dawned upon me why my parents would be so upset when I didn’t perform well in school, and my attitude towards my low grades. While it may have already occurred to many of you reading this, like I said, I never paid it much thought until now.
I finally understand that, as a parent, you don’t want your child to be “average.” And you definitely don’t want them to be complacent and accepting of their own performance as “average.” And with this realization, I had some other thoughts on the subject.
My daughter is special. To me and my wife. She is special to us based solely on the merit that she is our daughter. I know already how extraordinary, unique, and un-average she is. But the rest of the world doesn’t; they don’t know how special she is. As a result, to the rest of society, at her age my daughter is just average.
That thought doesn’t upset me, though, because that is how it is supposed to be. Children are special to their parents for no other reason except that they are their parent’s child. But my daughter has to prove to the rest of society how special she is. They won’t take it just upon the merit of her being my daughter; she has to show everyone else how un-average she is.
And with that came a frightening thought; in a world that keeps growing increasingly politically correct, where everyone gets an A for trying, where a child cannot be wrong in class when they give a wrong answer, when everyone gets a trophy for participating…
How can my little girl show how special she is, when no one can be special anymore? When everyone is only as good as the weakest, all that is left is weakness. If everyone gets an A, there is no pride in achievement, and if there is no shame in failure, there is no incentive to improve.
Elementary schools in my area got rid of the “S, S+, S-” grading scale, because they felt it singled out students who under-preformed, and encouraged those who achieved at the expense of those who did not. And students are no longer wrong when they give a wrong answer, they simply “need more instruction.” I understand teachers and adults trying to prevent children from being singled out, but where is the line? When do the good intentions cross the line and cease whatever good could be derived, and hinder a child’s development?
I fear I may be crossing the territory into a ramble, so I’ll try to wrap this up. My daughter is special, and I want not just society to see how special she is, I want her to feel it too. I want her to feel the pride that comes with success; receiving an A after a hard night of studying, or winning in her sport after all her work and practice. I want her to feel the shame and disappointment when she does not perform up to her potential.
I want her to be self-motivating, because she values herself, her ability, and her intellect. I want her to feel as special as I know she is. I want her, everyday as she grows, to take pride in herself, knowing that each day, she did everything the best she could.
burnthesame 